Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
