Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
