Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
