they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
