i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
