You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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