Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
