You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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