Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
