Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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