smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
