i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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