i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
