i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
