Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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