i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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