I can tuck mytits in my pants
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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