he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
