Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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