dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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