Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
