its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
