"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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