so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We need to get me chipped asap
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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