I met the friendliest cop last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
