Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
