How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
