My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
