I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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