I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
