; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
