You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
