I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
