My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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