Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
