rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
