How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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