Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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