so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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