My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize