After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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