Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
