she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
