she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
