I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
