The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
