It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
