then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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