would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
