i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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