toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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