Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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