I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
