Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
