Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
