just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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