i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
