so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
