I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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