yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize