so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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