I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
