the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
